Sometimes I just don't get what is "When you have questions, just ask, don't feel shy" when asking asking you get THAT KIND OF treatment like "YOU STUPID OR WHAT?"

First time in my company after 3 months I finally broke down. It proves that I am weak. I just wonder if they ever reject me after my probation, what will I do? Seriously, he is too impatient to me. Yes, I am just a fucking admin and is of no value to him. During handover, I only had few hours to learn & I am starting from scratch. I feel that I have been trying hard enough. Somehow, I feel that I deserve better treatment. But well, judging from his attitude, I am just an employee. If I were to ask myself, I don't know if this is an emotion of sadness or anger. It fills up my stomach that I am seriously pissed.

Honestly, I feel the difference in treatment when it comes to him introducing our team to the others. Well, its okay that others don't think of me, but I wished he could treat me like one of his people. Its the sort of feeling where you know you are a grade 1 employee & in his eyes, you're just his servant. Being in this company, I talk about even lesser stuff on facebook. This is because I am afraid of him scolding me. Certainly, I do not hate him, but I wished he would sincerely treat me like a colleague. Maybe I pinned too much hope on him being a leader. I forgot about his position. He is obviously very anal about deadlines and black & white stuff.

Suffocating as it is, I can't find a friend at work for me to just flare up. Great, an event is coming up.Everyone is expecting me to get scolded since I'm new. & they said its better that way. You know what, after getting scolded by my boss today, I went to the toilet & I cried. I fucking cried. It was so hard to put off that feeling. So I sat in the toilet, trying to freshen up my face. To be frank, I have no idea why the spasm of emotions. It was early morning at 9am. The first day I put eyeliner for work is the first day I smudged it with my tears. Good job.

Furthermore, I cannot explain how moodless I am now to do anything. In my mind, all I have is - I must put up a schedule, I must remember to phrase myself well in all emails, I must work in advance, I must be experience in my job scope, and lastly, I must not cry. I feel really horrible.

I will brave through this shit well. I will prove them I am much more capable than they think. I am not a fucking weakling. Ok, it shall take some time.

Okay, last post was Feb 2012 and its already almost June now.

I got employed since March. Work is fine but I guess I can't tell anyone much since social media plays a tricky part in getting people fired or questioned.

I am still as fat as ever & the amount of work I have in my office is bounding and generating more fats to my stomach. My mom bought a $50 hula hoop and it hurts like hell with few rounds. Try it, im sure anyone would frown or potray a screwed up face too.

Bf is fine except that well, I don't him praising other girls cos honestly (I swear with three fingers) that if they have too much interacting or emotions running somewhere, they are bound to get in love. I mean, hello, I really know how love works ok. I studied this field before. Good feelings, positive feelings, it all leads to something call LOVE. Especially when current gf is whiny about work, not caring, not skinny and all.

Ok la, can I say I'm pretty please? Else I could feel as horrible as no one. OH-MY-GOD I'm bored. My boss is upstairs doing his retromax music for Saturday nights and I'm only with my music director and I am seriously tied to work. Buddy Kim gave me a pair of tickets to Snow White & the huntsmen for tonight's premiere and I feel like I'm the luckiest ever shit.

Sihui's going through shit & I dunno why am I so fierce to her, maybe cos I dislike the person who made her feel this way. Ok, of course Im biased towards my gf. Thats why I'm the gf la.

I bought a burberry wallet few days ago & I'm still very thrilled by it. Thought of buying more "branded" goods but well, I have overspent for sure. Phone bills, transportation & daily expenses. Omg, why do we have to grow up? Sometimes I wish I could just get matured & no growing up phase this early. I am slow in growing up already since I enter the workforce much later than my friends.

The weather's like shit & I'm coughing like a cancer patient, no joke. Got MC yesterday because I fel kinda horrible.

Found a good way of spending my weekends - finding places to go with sihui + von if there is a need or chill out. Let's all be youngsters & not stay at home. My mom's still rejecting ray & I'm suffering mentally honestly. Sigh~ Life sucks but world's ending. I don't give a shit anymore.

Its time to go back to work. How I wished I don't have to work for a week. I wish la.

Love, birdie.

I love my fat face boyfriend! Sooo cute~~~ Teheeeee

My friend is getting married in marina bay sands next year and she said I am invited! :D

Sometimes I wonder if ray wants to marry me... Being the ridiculously hot tempered & fat gf, I do doubt my ability to get married! But anyway, the world ends in 2012, so let's not get so carried away with life after death. Woo!

An aimless day

Sihui is coming over for our TOM YAM FEAST!!! She bought our favorite crab meat, hot dogs, vegetables, cheese tofu, egg tofu!

I'm an iPhone addict! Had been downloading a lot of things from App store & being ridiculously free. I guess my face says COUCH POTATO.

I need to get employed!

You told me you are who you are and wouldn't change; if I don't like it I can leave.
I can't believe that I'm the fool again.
Maybe I wasn't the privileged one in your life.

Grenade sound so true to us now.

All that changes to who I am now; for nothing.
I changed drastically, but not you
because I'm probably not someone that significant enough.

Naive is the correct word to describe me.

Last straw

The more movies I watched, the more I feel that my life could be improved and I need not live in such poverty or restricted form of freedom. Yes, I believe that at 22 years old, I am able to make my own decisions as I agree that I'm wise enough. Honestly, I need a damn holiday. No, no - not to play or go havoc but to relax and rest my mind. It's crazy anough when you need to fucking report your actions done to your mother who believes that money is higher valued than yourself.

Thanks mother, for showing me how unworthy you are to be mine as all you care is about money and that I can elope with a "stingy bastard" - my bf for you don't not care if I give you my money. Sorry, your words made me truly felt that money is the only reason you're bringing me up. To be real honest with myself, even if you get a stroke, or illness or death (as you always hoped for) is not gonna make me more guilty than killing an ant. I do less value your existence than mine as of now because my presence is not even comparable to the money you believe belongs to you.

You brought me up with the expectation that I am gonna support you like a rich tai-tai. Sorry, you did not give me freedom nor the money to let me do the same to you. I won't forget the treatment I received from failing at exams, having an ITE bf, going home late, being fat or retaliating for your harsh abuse. You forgot how you used to abuse me like a depressed mother and I could do nothing about it as I felt bad for scolding you back. But thats all in the past. I'm moving on in life. The reason why I didn't look for a job is not because I am lazy, but the ultimate stress I felt having to do housework or anything you requested. I am sure I am more filial to you than anyone else. But since you did not learnt to treasure me, I shall go forth in life and don't care about you anymore.

Every relative you had kept trying to tell me to compromise with you. After you drove off brother, you still had not learnt your lesson. Yes you did not drive us away but your constant cursing and swearing were enough to drive us out long ago. We did not take your money. The government put it in our bank accounts. It is ours by law. You said I became a bad girl after knowing ray. No I did not. He told me to try to humour you whenever you're angry but now you're discriminating him like he's not worth a cent. I would like to tell you that his family is rich although he appear like a stinky gangster who smokes. Dad is a heavy smoker too. Why were you married to him?

After months of struggling with you and trying to make sure that you don't commit suicide, I decided to let you go. I hate it especially you said I was finding excuses not to return you money when I merely told you my feelings. You said you don't care about how I feel and just wanted the money back in your account. Thank you so much for shutting me up. Finally, I knew I'm less valued than the stinky money that you preferred. If I had been a bad girl, you would have had a stroke long time ago. I spent 1.5K trying to please you for cny but to no avail. It's okay, I have fulfilled my role, you just do not know how to appreciate me. It's your choice that drove us away. You wanted to rent my room to share but when I said I don't feel comfortable sharing you flare up at me. DO you ever try to compromise with me at all? So why should I do it?

Your actions are like those of Hitler - anyone that displeases you shall get it. We're the commoners, you treated me like a prisoner. You have no idea how disgusted I felt going out with you thesedays. You told me to cancel my work at carlton as its a LOW CLASS job as I'm a diploma holder. I agree that it may not be the best job ever but I like it there - with my friends. It's only a damn part time. You used to work there. You are far too much in criticising people when you forgot to look into the mirror that you are worst. I did not mean to demean you but look at yourself now, aren't you like a black pot calling the kettle black?

I felt like a pathetic person with childhood memories and worst teenage life ever. I found a rich and clever bf and you loved him and said it was my fault for breaking up with him. Do you ever feel for me? Since its a no, why am I working so hard to try to please you. I find no purpose in trying so hard. You claimed that I did not tell you that I'm going out. Oh please, I'm already like TWENTY-TWO. I can go partying at night till late and come home and being a bitch to slam things around like I'm the queen. I tried being obedient and I think I am until you blew it off.

I am flesh and blood still at home because I didn't want you to be left alone. I can tell you now that my heart isn't here anymore because you drove my heart away from this freaking house. I am oh-so-damn disappointed by you. I'm not bringing my heart back anymore. I'm just gonna fulfil my role as a daughter and thats it. I don't hate you, I told you I need a break but you didn't care. So I'm gonna ignore you so getting into less dispute with you. Thats all I can do. I'm sorry I am unable to be nice to you anymore but I shall say, you caused the family to break but you're doing nothing to salvage it.

Why should I there for you when NONE of the times I needed you and you were there? Instead you pushed me further. I helped myself up. It's not revenge, its knowing who are the minor roles in my life. You're the my creator but it does not mean I should spoil you. I'm over with you.

After typing it out, I felt much better. I will be responsible for my own life and actions from now on. I'm depending on no one. I have a good bf who dotes on me a lot. If ever one day he decided to leave me, thats my problem. I need no one to tell me that they predicted long ago. Stop acting smart in front of me. I don't take that as you're a fucking genius. I'm gonna re-create my world and move on away from the person who almost ruined it. I'm picking myself up.

I'm still forever waiting for a job. I hope spf wants me. I'm excited! Hsbc offered me a $1800 for 6 months. No more off days with piggy D: Working at carlton drains my energy dry. I'm no longer the 18 me. It's pretty much making me a singaporean - Kiasu.

Super junior, kpop stuff, all in my head. Currently - Kara - step. Crazy. My mad mom found out about piggy and bird's rom - through facebook. I didn't know she had one. She can't even use the god damn computer to have a FACEBOOK. Some bloody aunty bitch must have informed her endlessly about it. 3 years with piggy but mom still hates him. *groans* I hate explaining myself.


He's like a beng with endless bad habits but I love him. So whatsup?! No one's perect, like me. I have a pretty face but the body is like a big. Pointless right? Ya no one loves fat bitch but piggy does. Ahhh it doesn't matter. I'm not choosing between a bf & a mother. It's plain ridiculous.

Twilight series seems to please me alot. I bought a damn book to read. Great, 3 more thick books to complete. I have to start reading to improve my english. It's degrading fast. From a B to a F. I'm forcing piggy to speak more english. I'll go crazy if I can't write an essay properly. Seriously: CRAZY.

I've tons to type but the painter's here painting my door. The thinner had engulfed my room with the thick fainting smell. I think ammonia smells better. Oh god. I hate it. kk. goodbye.

Lastly, im still in love with my birdie wahahahaha. Thats shall piss the hell out of piggy. Shall poison piggy's meal today. Make him dream of birdie. I have 2 birdies by the way

.Y.

Its been eons since I last blogged again. Life still sucks. Everything is getting worst at home but I don't give a fuck anymore. It's rubbish. I'm totally disappointed at home with her.

I'm getting fatter by the weeks and its irritating that people mock at you every other day and you got to keep being friendly by smiling and laughing at their mockery at yourself. Life is getting stranger by the days. It's disgustingly fake.

I decided to blog once again taking to no one because I thought I need a place to express my thoughts to no one in general as it isn't the in thing now, considering my age at 22. The purpose is never to show of my life but to vent out on a platform where it pleases me a lot to type, acting like I have an audience.  Okay, I sound horribly emo-ied.

In an hour's time, I'm going to have buffet at Marriot's with my brother and his wife. It's a fattening session even when I have enough on me already. I'm drinking tea but I'm lazy to do it. It makes my stomach so bloated and always rushing to the toilet. I'm even lazy to shit. Haha, sounds like a big ass couch potato, lazy for everything.

Daniel wong now is a married personnel. I haven't been the best wedding planner but well, I did try what I can do within the non lazy range of me. Furama hotel!

It's sending resume time! 30 more minutes to preparing my god damn body and face for the buffet & own window shopping later. I'm VERY used to being alone shopping. Ray is seldom free for shopping, friends are working or studying. Kind of fucking sick of asking people out.

People change when they grow up. It gets lonelier by the years. My birthday in 3 days time. But I'm feeling no excitment at all. Even hy1 says, "Do what shit on Sunday?" I rather go out alone one Sunday than to think of shit to do. My birthday is shit.

I'm already left with 2 freaking papers - HRM and ESAP.

So not prepared. Sigh~

Indeed, these few months, many changes to my thoughts

I wonder why is it that as we grow older, things change much faster

I hate it when my mom calls me every single day at barely 9 to ask me where I am and what time am I coming home. I hate to repeat everyday. Even though I'm only 22, I'm constantly thinking about money issues daily. I feel so unfortunate somehow.

To talk about many things, I have far too many words to type. However everything leads me to think about only: Who can I sincerely trust in this world?

Why is life so difficult? I guess values and living in the corrupted and practical world, there is no more values. You lose yourself in the sea of sins. It's not important anymore, regardless who's having good values. It's about money. Why Why Why.

Exams is in 7 days time! I'm so not prepared. Honestly, it cracks me up totally when I feel both the stress of not studying enough and having "forced" to fulfil commitment. Fucking tuitions, fucking work, time is never enough. I mean IF those shits are finishing early, I could have studied. The worst part is that its not. Its stuck in the middle like 3pm till 5pm then plus a bomb at home I would reach home like 9pm, wasting those time outside. I mean I really wished I could do the things I wanna. I'm so fucking 22 years old yet I'm getting restrictions. I COULD ignore them for nuts but well, there's consequences.

I had dinner & chatted with sihui from 7.30 to 10 (at my neighbouthood area) and by the time I got back, my mom told my aunt that I deserve to be scolded. Wa lan eh, I go have a chat with my friend, wrong MEH?! I was nearby leh! This is a fucking ridiculous issue la! Which child would get scolded over this trivial issue? Everyone seems to think I'm mistreating my mom! But hell! If you get scolded over such small issue, don't tell me you'll still be patient with her JUST BECAUSE she gave birth to you. BULL-SHIT. I told my aunt that I can never face her with such care and loving concern to help her when she's sick because I can't do it to a face that HAD tortured me mentally so badly. Ray's concluding I'm gonna go insane for this!

My uncle scolded her for scolding us so crudely that we didn't want to go home. The disappointing response instead of repenting was that she mentioned that if we can't stand her simple nagging as a mom should do, we might as well go kill ourselves. Point is: She didn't mention any part that she is wrong in scolding us & that she should live and we should die. I perceive that my life is as important. It simply brings me to the conclusion that she treats us as investment. She wants interest and the original sum she invested.

If she's trying to help me save the insurance money for future use then I will be happy but hell no! Its to lend people who are in need and for household. While my brother's sum lies happily in the bank for his future. Thats what my dad left for ME and not her. She said its ALL HERS. Justice please. If ever we fight in the court, its definitely me winning and her off to jail because I will conveniently sue her for abuse. I don't want to be anywhere near being this ruthless. She forced me into it. She take away everything, from basic need of freedom to money to everything. Probably I would inform her that minds aren't as stupid as those born in her times. I have a brain to think for myself. Everytime she mentioned that everything would eventually go to us when she dies, the only thought I have is, what if she never dies. Yes yes, unfilial. But hell! I have pride I can't wait till she dies to get MY money. Funny how people think they could control people. She failed at wanting me to be obedient.

People change, me too.

I hate lies, I hate being insecured. This feeling is not what I seek for when I started out the relationship. I dislike changes. I could cry a bucket of tears now. Saying I'm over sensitive is as good as asking why men have hairy legs. Full time makes us worst. I feel like I'm forcing you to meet you. No, I have been dumb. You don't seem to include me in your priorities. I feel left out of your life. Recently, there has been way too many butterfly knots in my stomach. I don't like to hide my tears when I need to cry. Fb is too dangerous to let anyone know what I am about to write. All I wanna ask is, do you still love me?

Sometimes I feel like downright fool. U said u knock off at 5pm then I said I want to meet u. A while later u told me u work until 6 plus then i said tmr then meet. At 8.30, I text u asked if u finished work already. U told me u have been home since 6pm. So what is this? I understand you're tired but then cant u text me say you're otw home, too tired? It's very simple and I don't think u take 5 mins to get home. The time is sufficient on a short message. It did feel like you didn't wanna meet me. I hate this feeling but I know you're tired. I hear this almost all the time. U post on fb saying your off day but not like off day. So, ya I've decided not to meet you until you feel good to meet me. I'll stop being a fool & stick around all day. It makes me feel sick of myself. Men change, they always do. I'll stop trying to be a good gf. I'm used to being ignored and all. This is nothing compared to everything else.

I'm so glad that hew is working full time now. He gets more time with me after work & I am just so happy! About 5 more weeks to exams! I get insomnia every night and I seriously look like a big fat panda now. I'm rejecting meet ups because I am super super tired & worried about exams. I do not want the same thing to happen again because I'm afraid. I just appear to be totally fine regarding exams.

Tomorrow is hew's off day for the week! Yes ah! Everytime I meet him, I get little more fatter hahahaha. Kk, I miss old striving strong sherry. I smile even lesser these days and it makes my face look even stone-r than usual.

I have:
Pink earphones
Pink phone
Pink chairs
Pink lipgloss
Pink piggy bank
Pink wet tissue

For the first time in my life, I have so many god damn pink items!

走了这么远才发现你不在身边，
总觉得我和你的距离很远。
我已不是你那完美的对象了。
从你的眼神，我感到好陌生，
别告诉我我想太多，
为何你不来安慰我？
我没告诉你我的心声
因为你总是太累或太压力
可是你却怪我藏在心里。
你说的对，这样的感情哪会长久
因为在你心里我因该根本没资格吧
就连哭都是我的错。
我已开始怀疑你对我的爱还剩多少
再需要你的安慰和拥抱也不敢告诉你
因为每当我哭你都说我无聊
不知从何时，我不再爱自己了

Probably the only platform I could express freely since no one reads, which is damn good. Last night was supposed to be a happy & fun night with steamboat. However, things took a sour change. I don't exactly understand fully but I know the atmosphere was filled with frustration & uneasiness. I had just lost a very fantastic friendship. As a "strong" one, I hardly show much expression. But today after reading the text, the well-controlled tears actually burst. I felt that it hurt just as much as losing a bf. A bff is a female version of bf, in fact, even much more. I knew it was hard to juggle between both but I didn't know things would become this way. For once in my life, it hurt so much. I'm guilty and I feel really bad for making her feel this way. I feel like I haven't been senstitive enough to realize the problem earlier. Now its gone, due to my blunderness. Why did even say those things to v. Why did I fail to talk with h. Totally, I allow my emotions take over my actions, my words. I've failed as a supposedly confidant. It just didn't occurred to me that it would ever hurt this much.

Time past, people change; including the one dearest to you
I could feel the difference definitely
What was once said wasn't valid anymore
I don't feel as close to you as before
No, not the lesser time spent, but the thoughts you have

It doesn't feel good at all
This foreign feeling makes me scared

Its 16th of february already! 2am! Ok-Love jinwoon

I admit its not really good to be all over korean idols and all at this age of 22 but well, its my first time admiring idols so much, guess its the overall craze!

Been really into korean trot songs like super junior t's chutcha, no one else like me, rokkugo, park sang chul's mojugeon etc. Just INTO them.

Having so much worries thesedays especially money issues, guess I'm gonna get a full time soon after exams. Whatever's not to worry is being worried & fret upon. Thats the bad part about growing up. When we were in school, we have no responsibilities over anything except the most our own expenses. Growing up suck.

I told myself I never like staying in singapore & maybe one day I'll be inspired to move out of singapore & go elsewhere to work & all. Its good to have a clean start. To be honest, I don't like singapore :(

Happy chinese new year to all!

Although my cny wasn't anywhere near good but well, life goes on. Lol.

I managed to build a better rapport with my beloved cousins & im really glad. I have been so sick recently and I could hardly enjoy doing anything! I couldn't shout or talk louder which makes me so frustrated because I'm used to snapping at people hahaha. & I'm talking out of tune so much that I'm keeping quiet a lot.

Big pig is still in malaysia, eating once every two hours. Scary. He called me using prepaid m'sia card, damn ex. I have many small big bird, medium big bird and big big bird. Heheeee.

Chinese new year is barely a week away! Baby's going back on tuesday. It's gonna be a lonely festive season. But well, I've been lonely always so I guess I'm pretty much used to it.

I had fun with poly people, indeed I had most fun during then. The clubs or not times, the times where we were growing up & very ignorant. These memories are priceless for me.

The constant cursings never once cease & I suspect there's a monster in her. The ugly words kept coming out even when I adviced. Now don't ask why I scold people CHAO JI BYE because my mother do & will never stop.

To me, all I ask for is a peaceful family & great health to all.

Two days of hardcore scrubbing the floors, I think I make a good housewife~!
Fever came and I felt totally horrible

It's 11pm & I gotta sleep! 8.30am lesson again
I love school but not on my lazy days
Like I have a hardworking day, but still...

How I wish you have a day for me, at least...

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold that it froze and fell onto the ground onto the large field. While it was lying there, a cow came over and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay in the pile of cow dung, it began to realised how warm it was feeling. The dung was actually thawing him out! It lay there all warm and happy. Being happy, it began to sing for joy. A passing bird singing and came to investigate. It followed the singing and discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung. Quickly, the cat dug the bird out and ate it.

Moral of the story:

• Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy
• Not everyone who get you out of shits is your friend
• And when you're in deep shit, its best to keep your mouth shut!

It was a lame short story but I find it interesting somehow or rather

There are certain things I need to change about myself to make both of us feel better. I need to be less possessive. I'm trying to be. I haven't got anyone else, thats why he's my everything. I couldn't empathise how important family is because mine's falling apart. But I get it, let us all focus on what's important in life now. I won't be sticky anymore.

I never expected junior hew to be so cute! Sherry likes!

As we grow up, too many things changes. Looking back, it was fun to be an 18 years old kid, partying, playing & being ignorant. The stress of being an adult now is that I feel 100% responsible for every single thing I do. When we were young, we hoped to grow up fast, now that I'm older, how I wish 21st never come...My mom said I looked older now, I didn't realised its obvious on my face.

I used to be a real messy person as I love sleeping till I'm left with a little time to prepare to go out. But recently I'm up really early, planning big bird's engagement party & listening to soft soothing songs. It's so unlike sherry. It felt as if the past had been eons ago. In fact, its only 3 years ago!

The windy weather creates the nostalgic feeling just well for how I'm experiencing right now.

He's sick. I'm worried. I thought I could be a hard hearted person

I guess I couldn't do it to him

At 12.37am, my stomach is growling like crazy

Lor mee in the morning till now

The bears on my bed looks delicious now

Dieting is a horrible activity

Anyway, I told mom about korean bbq chicken!

She's psyched about it!

Yay! I love korean bbq chicken!!!

I'm craving for shabushi actually...

Food food food because I'm hungry now!

Angry bird makes me real crazy! Okay, back to millionaire city...

What lies beyond the imagined ocean dream?

Today is our 27 months, but you forgot about it
It's always because of work
made a promise to myself I'll make the right priorities
used to anticipate your text, but not now
because its always two words now, "oh okay"
The turbulence is somewhat you can't feel
My heart feels really empty without you

but its okay, I'll get used to it somehow

I said I would do some econs - I did. I copied the whole tutorial because my printer is down. Ah, someday I gotta stop lying to myself that I did.

I admire T.O.P a lot. For some reason, I really do.

Oh hell! It's a 8.30 lesson tomorrow...

Dreads, I hope wednesdays never come

But it still will, it is coming, it came.

Everytime I on my itouch, its facebook & angry birds

It's simply irritating when people meet me

they ask for my itouch

Erm, so you meet me for what ah?

5.5 hours left, good night bear bear. Annyong~

Dear Mdm Wrath, stop hurling abuses at me or I'll seriously give u one tight slap which might send you to hell. If I'm going psychotic because of you, I'll charge at you with a parang. You totally have no fucking idea how much cognitive energy I'm wasting to pacify you. But I lived with an atomic bomb for 21 years. Every single minute is stress. I'm finding myself such a boring friend if I keep telling them about you. Forget about filial piety, you created me, but you destroyed everything that I ever wanted in life. Love, kinship, loving family. You're not the typical fierce mother but a total monster. I mean what I say.

Today is an emo day

I have 3 main goals now. I'll put aside what's to be focused in my later years and do the necessary ones now. Good & sweet life isn't mine to take. I surrender myself to fate. The thoughts of it made me feel really empty but I'll work hard to make the changes. We'll succeed, we will. Let us all work towards success! Cheers!

New year resolutions:

• Slim down & kill those superficial men
• Earn & save money to beautify myself
• Get first class honours for all subjects
• Look damn hot & sexy so men drool & knock onto poles
• Forever young looking

Hahaha, how's my resolutions? Met some superficial guys & am feeling insulted since I'm short & round. Damn! Luckily piggy is sweet to me despite my especially round body.

I hope I'll be able to plan time well & arrange regular meet ups with my friends because I love them actually. Birthdays coming up & I'm so wrecking my brains on what to get. School term started & I'm feeling really youthful because I am a student!

Piggy paid for Body Shop's body butter & a 2011 pretty organiser for me. I love both to the max because its really colourful. My brother's getting engaged & I'm thrilled as I get to dress up be the organiser for the first time! Life is good now :D

Laptop's wireless "thing" is faulty, whats the use of a laptop without internet & basic Microsoft word and the disc player is never better than anything.

Life is about earning & spending money...

I love him as much as I'm afraid to lose him.

Repeat mode:
Tell me goodbye - bigbang
Beautiful hangover - bigbang
Persona - kangta
Candy - h.o.t

Simply do not wish for a lifeless routine
Inspired by some random subjects
Esap makes me analyse too much
It makes me a happier person, generally

but staying at home is beyond hell
i don't want such a life, be normal & I'll be glad.

Goals, perspectives are whole lot different now. What I wish for may not be what I get. Results may not be what we have expected. I find that, I just think very differently from the way I used to about things, and I think the thoughts are permanent, goal-oriented. Let's listen to beautiful hangover & work towards a better future. Yeah, we all will eventually learn to live life.

I am doubtful of your words.
Never did I once believe that you didn't mind a bit that I'm fat
U got teased, everything I know.
Ahhh, just depressed that I'm thinking so bad about myself
I can't seem to be nice to myself these few weeks.
It's a horrible feeling.

In this society, the beauty lies on the outside. Is there a restart button in life too?

I took so many photos with itouch but its not uploading well. Getting teased by a 12 year old isn't making me feel pleasant at all. She made me feel really bad, thanks. I wanna escape from the society badly. The fats on my body are accumulating, they wouldn't go. I feel desperate. It makes me really sad. I think its embarrassing to be spotted beside a fat ugly goose like me right? Which friend doesn't want a cooler looking friend, tell me.

my pasta was not even half finished D:

Everyday I come home to listen to curses. I don't mean crucio or avada kedavra, long term suffering curses. Worst than voldermort. If you dare to take away every single thing in my life, you shall not live for long either. I can help you acheive half life if you do anything to harm us for your own "rights". I say it, I mean it. daniel has long beak nose, i have fat ass unlike other girls. thanks alot you know? U just splashed a pail of cold water on me, and claiming you look pretty normal compared to us. you hurt me terribly & you act like its a normal comment. thanks okay? please be a more responsible parent and stop forcing repayment and believing those old bitches out there that says we wont support you when you're old. it will happen if you continue to behave in this way like we owe you a lifetime. No we don't. Yes you did well, you brought us up. but we're not money making machines. I'd rather be an orphan. what i need is care and love from you, but you give none but very authorative-like and hope for ours. I was "created" like this, I have your character, I shall behave this way in your presence. A taste of your own medicine. You ruined us, haven't you realised?